Canned Fever

May 7 2020

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

I have been reading your column for years now and have always found the advice you give so helpful, and with that In mind I am writing to you today.

Like everybody else I am locked down due to the global pandemic and so far I have been doing ok, keeping my distance, and wearing my mask, but as time goes on, there is one question I have not been able to answer, when do I open all my cans? When is it time to start eating all the Chef Boyardee and tin soup I have taking up space in my kitchen.

Help me?

Canned Fever

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Dear Canned Fever,

If you'd like to eat from the cans but you are worried about dipping into your stock supply, simply open one Chef Boyardee, remove a single small raviolo, and use it as a "starter" raviolo to grow more Chef Boyardees, in the same way you might start a sourdough loaf. We're all SO familiar with sourdough starters now, aren't we?

Also it's pronounced "boy AR dee".

I hope that helps, humans! Until next time.

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions?  Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you.

Please write to spitnvigor@gmail.com.