Class act in Staten Island

July 15 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

I heard you're in The Wake of Dorcas Kelly, off-broadway at The Players Theatre this weekend and next.

Any acting tips?

Thanks,

Class Act in Staten Island

Dear Class Act,

Ahem, Class Act, I am the title role onstage, "treading the boards"  as they say, in The Wake of Dorcas Kelly at The Players Theatre this week and next.

As a puppet, my main acting goal is to be as blank as possible. I stay as stock-still as can be, with the blankest of stares. I barely move my entire body, and I let others manipulate me according to their whims.

Oh, wait, no - that's film actors.

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Suck it, film actors!!

WITNESS MY GREATNESS ONSTAGE AS I BECOME DORCAS KELLY, INFAMOUS BROTHEL MADAM. TREMBLE IN FEAR AT MY LIFELESS CORPSE. CONSIDER YOUR OWN MORTALITY, YOU FETID SACKS OF-- [removed by editor]

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.