First Choice Liberty Shield

August 30 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

Hello, we are writing to contact you about your vehicle's extended warranty. This is an important message for the vehicle owner. We have tried to reach you several times, and this is a courtesy email before we close your file permanently. Please give us a call at your earliest convenience so we can discuss your options.

Thank you,

First Choice Liberty Shield

Dear First Choice Liberty Shield,

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. Please do not close my account!!!!! I was unaware until this very moment that I had either a car or a warranty on it!!! Have I not paid my warranty payments?? I do not have money!! I am a puppet!! All I have is this spit&vigor company credit card. Please take it. The number is (removed by editor). The expiration date is (removed by editor). The confirmation code on the back is (removed by editor).

Please write me back as soon as you can!!! I MUST know where my car is so I can escape this fetid tomb of a studio!!!

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.