Globi in Gloucestershire

June 24 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

Io Saturnalia!

I am making Cato the Elder's recipe for globi, the ancient Roman dessert from De agri cultura. As is common in ancient Roman recipes, there are no clear measurements noted for many of the ingredients and I'm confused as to how much spelt to include with my cheese. I thought you might have some insight.

Thank you,

Globi in Gloucestershire

Dear Globi,

Ah, I remember my halcyon days during ancient Roman Saturnalia, drinking wine by the vat and dancing in the moonlight, and mi amico, one thing you never pay much attention to when you're feasting and lording for an entire Harvest season is bloody baking measurements. You toss in your cheese like a bull of a man, you throw in your damn spelt like a brickhouse woman, and you go to town frying some fat and grease only to sustain your chaos and ribaldry. Io Saturnalia indeed. Take Saturn's name off of your precious delicate tongue and pray he does not cull you with his mighty scythe.

Just look up a recipe for cheesecake bites and be done with your finicky self. Ancient Rome is no place for modern humans, you shouldn't even be allowed near a hot copper vessel.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.