Maximilien

April 10 2024

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet that we use in many of our productions, thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Did you know?

Friendo has been giving advice for time immemorial and will be advising us long after we are all dead?

This week, we're stepping back into our archives and blowing the dust off of a "Friendo Classic"!

Dear Friendo,

Hail to your grace! I entreat your swift response, sir, as I am currently mid-combat with my former friend, close as a brother. But my young bride claims he stole into her apartments when I last was on campaign and laid hands on her. As is custom, I have challenged him to a duel in the arena. I entreated the Lord God to only allow me to slay the man if what my wife uttered be true. Her steadfastness bolstered me and after a violent struggle, I have put him to point with my dagger, but now... as I lay here, my blade against his throat, our breath mingled, my faith falters...

I have removed his helm and given him one final opportunity to admit his wrongdoing and I will spare him. He looks into my eyes and denies it still, even under pain of death.

Is it possible the Lord would put me in position to slay him, if he is indeed innocent?

I eagerly await your response. The crowd grows restless.

Maximilien

Dear Maximilien.

SLAY THE SCOUNDREL. Are you blind, man? A liar lies, and indeed he dies as he lives!

Cut his head off and put it on the highest pike for such an utter betrayal. God is dead: you have overcome this rake by your righteousness alone - with utter certainty in your heart have you pinned this cockroach. Do with him as you would the vilest scum of the Earth, and do not sully your bride further with your frivolous human doubts.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless lifesize puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed. Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.