Hairful in Seattle

June 17 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

I noticed in a previous column you'd mentioned how you once found a collection of old razors inside a wall of your home.

I'm writing to you now with a similar issue. I was renovating a part of my bathroom and found a plastic bag of hair hidden in the wall. It was all different types and colors of what seemed like human hair, in one of those plastic "THANK YOU" bags with a smiley face on it.

Why...? Why is it in the wall? What do I do?

Please help.

Thank you,

Hairful in Seattle

Dear Hairful,

Well, this is an embarrassing situation that anybody can relate to. We've all accidentally left a bag of human hair in the walls of our home, and here are some simple tips to help you from losing your hairbags in the future:

1. Label them!! Get a labelmaker or a simple piece of painter's tape and a marker and keep them organized!!

2. Speaking of organization, I've suggested it before and I'll suggest it again: you always want to staple your plastic bags of [hair, dry leaves, cicada husks, false fingernails, etc] ONTO the walls of your home, preferably in the sitting room or bedroom to create a cozy atmosphere - two birds with one stone! (But keep your bags of birds in the freezer.) You don't want to be plastering them INTO the wall, so that every time you need them you have to break out your box cutter.

3. FIFO: First in, first out.

If you follow these simple tips, you won't be caught with your hairbags down around your ankles again!

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you.

Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.