Meats

August 19 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

Now in these waning dog days of summer, one has the desire to sit back in a Adirondack chair, stare into one of nature's scented and buzzing abysses, eat some salted meats, and sip a cocktail of some sort.

Do you have any recipes for this time of year?

Meats in Montauk

Dear Meats,

Ah, a human after my own heart! And by heart I of course mean the anatomical heart-shaped empty hole carved into my chest.

While I appreciate the romanticism of consuming salted dead animal parts and carefully distilled poisons of varying degrees, I myself cannot eat human food or drink human... drink.

Therefore I will include a recipe for my favorite papier-mâché, in the hopes that will be helpful to you.

You will need:

-Flour

-Water

-A whisk

-A bowl

Put equal parts flour and water into a bowl, and then whisk together. You'll want to whisk out any lumps of flower so the mixture is the consistency of a heavy cream.

Then, I suppose you can serve that in a chilled coupe glass. Spear three bourbon cherries on a toothpick and balance that on the rim for a ruminative cocktail, or put a jaunty little umbrella in it and an orange slice, for a party.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.