Modern-day Noah

March 5 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

A request for help,

Dear Friendo, I have long been an admirer of your words and thoughts. And now find myself in a position of needing your advice.

I love animals and find myself constantly scrolling through images of animals who need a loving home. And I wish so much to be that person for those defenseless creatures, however I am currently already a parent to three dogs, two cats, a trio of bunnies and a parrot. I want more, I have so much more love to give. I just don’t have the space,

What’s to be done?

Modern day Noah

Tucson, Arizona  

Dear Noah,

Have you considered taxidermy?

I had a similar problem about forty to a hundred years ago when I had a pet grouse named Grousey. I loved Grousey! His sharp little beak pierced my hard, cold papier mache hide where there's a heart-shaped cutout.

But the life of a puppet is not suitable to a living grouse, and so I had him stuffed. We couldn't be happier!

Now Grousey is almost like a haunted doll, and his little beaded eyes are still filled with the same murderous hatred as when he was alive. I suggest a similar solution for your gerbils and peacocks or whatever it was you said you had.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you.

Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.