Shaggy and concerned

August 1 2020

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling with no creativity whatsoever, "FRIENDO'S ADVICE".

Dear Friendo,

I know everybody says this, but it's the truth, thank you! Thank you for your wisdom and sage-like advice. So many of your words have led me out of the darkness.

Which brings me to my own problem. Like a lot of people affected by the lock down I was unable to get a haircut for four months. Now that businesses are opening up again, I am torn. Should I cut my hair or hang on to my luscious locks. How will a haircut affect me? Will I become like Samson and lose my power? Oh yes I forgot to mention my new long hair has given me super strength. Help me Friendo!

Shaggy and concerned,

Durago, Colorado

Dear Shaggy,

Well, if you're anything like me, "Shaggy", you have an entirely hollow chest cavity filled with battery-operated Christmas lights that shine through the shape of an anatomically correct heart ornately carved into your chest.

If you need to cut your hair for business purposes but still cling to it with some kind of human emotion that escapes my comprehension, simply trim the hairs as you wish and then you can store them in your chest cavity for safe keeping.

As for your Samson-like strength, I suspect you're pulling my leg, Shaggy.

Do not pull my leg, Shaggy.

I hope that helps, human! Until next time.

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions?  Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you.

Please write to spitnvigor@gmail.com.