Workplace blues

Sept 24 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

Long time reader, first time writer. I'm having trouble with one of my colleagues. She's new and struggling, and I try to help her out - but she always makes sure to finish whatever project I walked her through the moment our boss is around, so she gets the credit when I had to hold her hand the whole time. I'm basically doing all her work for her, while I look like I'm falling behind and she looks like she's rocking it.

What are some tips for solving workplace disputes like this?

Sincerely,

Workplace Blues

Dear Blues,

As a puppet, one technique I use to inspire fear and trepidation in my human coworkers is as follows:

I sit very still, slumped against a wall, in perfect silence, for days, weeks, months on end. Then, when I can sense my mark is looking somewhat in my direction but not directly at me, I make one sharp movement of my head, to turn to look in their direction, staring into their soul.

In my experience, humans react quite poorly to gestures like this, and thus the human learns not to cross me, and we can both live in peace.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.