Would-be spit&vigor donor

Dec 30 2020

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dear Friendo,

I appreciate and value independent arts in my small town of New York City, New York, and I would love to be able to make a donation to a small arts community, preferably involved in avant-garde and innovative theater - maybe one that, I don't know, explores the very depths of humanity and presents complicated questions without easy answers - a small, independent theater group that does some dirty, sexy history plays written by modern authors, bringing new perspectives to times and attitudes gone by, all while letting me forget for one sweet moment that the internet and social media ever existed.

It's important to me that I do this by the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2020 because of an unfortunate game of canasta I played with a witch last year. And also for tax reasons.

-Would-be spit&vigor donor

NYC, NY

Dear Would-be,

AS I MADE ABUNDANTLY CLEAR IN OUR PRIOR EMAIL EXCHANGES, I WILL NOT BE PIMPED. I refuse to answer this obvious ruse, and I am insulted and enraged that you would try to slip this petty cash-grab under my constant and ever-vigilant radar.

You think I can't see through your lies, spit&vigor? Woe to ye who forget I do not need sleep, and when your weak human forms crumble into your fetid nests at night, I will be there, ever watching, with my unblinking eyes.

WOE. WOE TO YE.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions?  Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you.

Please write to spitnvigor@gmail.com.