Yours in turmoil

Sept 14 2021

FRIENDO'S ADVICE

We all have problems in our lives, spanning from the existential to the very mundane, and Friendo, the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions thinks friendo can help.

So we've compiled some of these deep questions in a column we're calling FRIENDO'S ADVICE.

Dearest Friendo,

I seek your advice in desperation! For when I portion out the daily half-pint rations of rum to my crew, I have witnessed with my own eyes these men squirreling away their rations until a fourth or fifth day, when they will get themselves completely plastered. Obscene! Unbecoming of a crewman in the Royal Navy!

What can be done??

Yours in turmoil,

Vice Admiral Edward Vernon

Dear Vice Admiral Edward Vernon,

Have you considered portioning out the rations with a ratio of water added, and doling it out twice daily?

Crew members who are good husbandmen may, with the savings of their salt provisions and bread, purchase some sugar and lime to add to the concoction to make it more pleasant and palatable.

I hope that helps, human!

Sincerely,

Friendo

Do you have a question you'd like to ask the featureless sexless life-size puppet we use in many of our productions? Indeed, Friendo wishes to advise you. Please write to inquiries@spitnvigor.com.